I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Vodka?
Forever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
3 2 1 whiskey
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
