I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
