Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize