After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
