Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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