I need to stop coming to work sober
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
