so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
