return my video game
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
