If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
