oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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