i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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