Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
