I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
