You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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