i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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