$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
