How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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