your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
