The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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