It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
