Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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