1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
