i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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