Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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