Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
