I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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