There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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