I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
