So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
