I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
