I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bring money and cleavage
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize