I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
