can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
