Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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