Bisexual people are plain selfish.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
