I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
