Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
