the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
