Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
