Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
