the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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