i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
