You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do vagina's smell?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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