Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
