Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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