Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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