I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
