Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my being single is dangerous.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
