He told me they were just razor bumps!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
two words...techno handjob
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The ass gains better be worth it
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