I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
