chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize