I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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