I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
