butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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