In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
