Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
