the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
