So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
