her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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