his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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