If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
