Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
