I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
