i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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