Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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