i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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