Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Alive.
So much puke
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
