I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
4 words: hood of his car
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
