Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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