I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
