They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
