and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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