I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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