mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
