I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
