I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
