I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
