Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
