tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
