So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
