He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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