think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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