Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's get the cat blown out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize