Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
