You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
