I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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