i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
