Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
