Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
