Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
