Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
