you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize