So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
