yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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