mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
