He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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