In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
