Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
