HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
