i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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